1. If I was walking behind her I’d bite the hell outta that ass.
    Then I’d plead temporary insanity.

    1. Back in the day of Ma Bell there were these things known as KS specifications. There were KS specs for everything that the Bell System used that weren’t made by Western Electric. I have a pair of insulated handle needle nosed pliers with Bell System stamped on them and a KS spec number. One of the odder things that they specified was the sanitary napkins dispensed in the women’s bathrooms. The group that made these specifications motto was: “We specify everything from manhole covers to manhole covers.” That wasn’t official, of course.

      1. Ahhh, Ma Bell, AKA: “All Bell and No System”.
        Method of performing every task rigidly detailed in voluminous Bell System Practices – BSP’s. Back in the good old days, no more onerous way to spend a slow work day than filing updated BSP’s.

  2. During summer months Marge had come to like the “extra starch” option at her laundry.

  3. Rudolpho’s latest HOOP skirt design may be controversial , but there is no doubt that it has developed a strong following.

  4. As Ernesteen and Fredesta neared the swamp crosswalk, they noticed the obligatory safety sign warning of the crocodiles. Better safe than sorry!

  5. Firearms discreetly tucked into their ‘handbag’ holsters, Ernesteen and Fredesta, a pair of alert troopers from Left-Handed Gunwomen Of America, patrol their assigned ‘turf’.

  6. During the monthly scheduled EMP drill, Ernesteen and Fredesta were again well-protected by the extensive overhead ‘Faraday Cage’ erected by the city’s thoughtful bureaucrats. All in all, I think we can all agree, in this instance, the bureaucrats ‘justified their existence’!

  7. As the lovely Ernesteen and Fredesta casually strolled, neither realized they were closely stalked by those evil aliens in their two-dimensional starcraft effectively camouflaged as a common downtown access cover. Darn those FlatLanders! Banish ye back to your planet FlatLandia!

  8. As spokemodels with Natural Hair(s) Women Of America put it, “…defying all sense of tradition and common decency…”, Ernesteen and Fredesta flaunted their ‘bleached’ head-hair… to the eternal consternation of members of ‘the cause’.

    In a related story, spokesmodels from Bleached Hair(s) Women Of America quickly discounted rumors of a planned ‘dyeing’ attack against purveyors of non-bleaching agents in support of ‘the cause’.

    Spokesmodels from Hair(s)less Women Of America declined comment, adding “We fully support our ‘haired’ sistern and all they do to bring attention to ‘the cause’!”

    During interviews and asked to define ‘the causes’, nobody in any of ‘the causes’ could quite specify the details of their respective organizations, adding “It’s just wrong!”.

  9. Unexpectedly running out of sharpness on her leg-hairs razor, Fredesta was forced to wear a thigh-concealing garment from her emergency wardrobe. Fortunately, her ankles and shins were cleaved clean before the tragedy.

  10. In this still captured covertly by ‘freedom lovers’ during a Top Secret™ presentation with Tall Poles Erectors llc at An Undisclosed Location©, instructors from the re-education committee illustrate the subliminal potential of downtown signs using normal humans for scale.

    In this instance, and I think we can all agree, the government agents deserve everything they earn!

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