1. Penalized by the judges for his weak attempt at a ‘metro-sex beard’, Joaquin resorts to begging for another chance at ‘the ball’.

  2. Completely out-classed by the competition at the annual ‘fly-swatter’ event, Joaquin inadvertency hacks-up a disgusting yellowish glob in despair… and is awarded the point on a ‘mucus technicality’.

  3. Enjoying his renewed status during the ‘zombie phase’ of his dwindling career, Joaquin shambles after a ‘blood-soaked’ tidbit tossed his way.

    Judges award the ‘not drooling too much’ point. Custodial staff lodge ‘formal protest’; ‘double points’ are awarded for the resultant strike, shop stewards resign in droves. Judges award ‘triple points’ with oak-leaf cluster. Joaquin, focused on happily munching his ‘liver-flavored’ treat, doesn’t much notice the brouhaha surrounding his new-found notoriety.

  4. With his trademark ‘death glare’ paralyzing the opposition, the judges award the point to Joaquin based on his ‘victory kneel’.

  5. During his university days, avowed commonist Joaquin joins the ‘take a knee’ trend in protest of ‘everything wrong in the world’.

    Years later, and with significantly more maturity under his belt, Joaquin realizes his youthful tantrums were a tragic expression of his need to return to his ‘pre-weaned’ days as a carefree ‘babe-in-arms’.

  6. Desperately trying to ‘curry favor’ with his peers by joining the trendy ‘two-ankles-and-a-palm’ tennis fad, Joaquin too-late realizes the need for ‘knee-pads’. Judges deduct point for ‘missing protective gear’. Peers enforce ‘loser buys’ rule; Joaquin, nearing insolvency, pawns knee-pads so everybody doesn’t think he is a total douche.

    Peers playfully give wrong address for ‘after-match’ beverages. Joaquin wanders streets alone, unbefriended… vows to somehow return to their ‘good graces’ by doing it better ‘next time’.

  7. Only moments before violently evicting the ‘questionable’ clam chowder he enthusiastically consumed at the tournament breakfast, Joaquin staggers and nearly topples. Judges award the ‘stale seafood’ point; custodial staff calls a ‘snow day’; tournament postponed while new astro-turf is ordered.

    Suddenly famished, and hoping for a mid-morning snack, Joaquin fixes his gaze on the commissary vendors.

  8. In the first annual ‘All Arabian’ tennis match, women are separated from men by a ‘ceremonial stanchion-and-cord’ as required in The Holy Book.

    Suddenly realizing the ‘noon prayers’ are nigh, Joaquin ‘assumes the position’. Judges award ‘piety’ point. Custodial staff wishes they could return to India and the Philippines, alas… their passports were ‘requested’ by their new employers for ‘safe keeping’.

  9. Prior to today’s festivities, Joaquin paid extra for the coveted front-row ‘green seats’ for his friends and family, then proudly taped ‘RESERVED FOR JOAQUIN’ signs on them.

    Noticing the empties, the ‘bleacher inhabitants’ surreptitiously move downward… one-by-one… hoping for better service from the beer vendors. Sadly, the union prevented his friends and family from entering the parking lot without a ‘touch’ [not a ‘Joe Biden’ reference], and hence, couldn’t reach their jobs as strolling offerers of refreshments.

    Realizing his mistakes piled upon mistakes, Joaquin pleas with mythical deities for ‘one last chance’ in addition to his last ‘last chance’. According to reports, the deities had a ‘good laugh’.

  10. We’ve all been there guys.. here’s what’s going through his mind:

    “I think I can get this”.. drops to knees.. “quick, check where my opponent is for return placement” .. eyes drift over the crowd, get caught on the hottie sprawled in the first row..

    “Humm.. she’s cute.. and OMG! SHE’S NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR!”

Comments are closed.