I never read celebrity trash [some overlap] magazines unless I’m in a waiting room and there’s nothing else to read except for magazines that will make me grow breasts just by touching them. And even then, I page quickly through crap like People, Us and Entertainment Weekly, playing a game with myself as to how few of the “celebrities” I can actually recognize. (My current score is roughly 5%, and that only because some 70s musicians occasionally make the presses, see below.)
A couple of days ago I was waiting for the Mexicans to finish cleaning my car, and the only magazine to read was (I think) People, and I thought I’d share just a couple samples of their fare:
“I’ve never given 60 seconds of my life to those Housewives of Blah Blah and the Kardashians. I don’t know their names.” — Jon Bon Jovi
Me neither. Well, to be honest, I do know some of the Kardashian coven (Kim, Kris and Kunty), but that’s about it. But thankfully, all the “real” housewives are a complete blank to me.
Then there is a feature called “5 Things We’re Talking About“… oy. Here are a couple examples:
1 ) Prince George is taking ballet lessons. And according to his dad William, “he loves it”. These, lest we forget, are the two future kings of Great Britain, King Gormless I and the Gay-King Georgie-Boy. How special.
3 ) Some Australian billionaire is funding the building of a complete replica of the Titanic, only with (and I quote), “more lifeboats and modern navigation equipment”. Just to be on the safe side, the new Titanic should still operate only in the Southern Pacific because of you-know-what.
There was more, oh so much more, but then Ricardo called out that my car was all done. Boy, was it ever — it looked brand new.
I gave him a good tip*. I told him never to read People magazine. He’ll thank me for it one day.
*Also $10. He did a great job.