1. Him: I tried to be the “cool” dad and let the kids have a second slice of double fudge chocolate cake. Boy, I’m gonna get an earful from the wife when we finally get untied.

    Her: I have loved this man for many years. He has been a good husband, father, and provider up till now. His death shall not be an easy one!

  2. “And… that evening Dick and Jane decided their support of illegal immigration might not be such a good deal after all.” Another way liberals become conservatives.

  3. Pro tip: when hosting a BDSM party with some people you just met on the Internet, a background check may be advisable first…

  4. Ooohh…kay! Now if you take the option of unlimited office visits, but without the prescription support, your monthly premium will be just….

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