5 Worst Things To Hear During Sex

…because we’ve already explored the five worst things to hear after sex:

  • “Sorry, I guess my diarrhea hasn’t finished yet”
  • “Can you go a little deeper?”
  • “I think you’re making my genital warts bleed”
  • “I wish I was anywhere else but here right now”
  • “When I said you were tighter than a 10-year-old, that was supposed to be a compliment.”

Your suggestions in Comments. If they were actually said to you (e.g. the penultimate one, in my case), so much the better.


  1. You’re not as big as your father.

    Edit: Actually, I just thought of one that’s worse: “You’re not as big as MY father.”

    Whups, another edit: “You’re not as big as OUR father.”

  2. * Good, that finally popped

    * Wait, I have to put my leg back on

    * It feels so good to not be the only one with it

    * Ooh, I’m getting so dry

    * Hi Hillary! Join in!

  3. “Shit, my husband’s home early!”

    That made me shrivel up pretty quick.

    I did find him in Facebook and tell him he was married to a slut, at least.

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